Redneck, less than classy, or normal?

I have become aware, recently that there are some things we do or say in my house that might come across as slightly less than civilized if it were someone on the outside hearing or seeing it without knowing the whole story. Aside from my daily summer uniform of t-shirts and flip-flops and the 2-4 inches of black roots growing from my "blonde" hair, I do have all of my teeth, and I always take my children to Wal-Mart fully clothed (including shoes).

Here are the top 5 reasons that I could possibly on some occasions be redneck...or maybe just less than classy...or maybe just normal! If you just read the top five without the explanations you might think redneck, and depending on how "classy" you consider yourself I might be "less than" and if you are being completely honest with yourself you will see that I am normal!

5. My children have skinnydipped in my sisters swimming pool in lieu of taking a bath.

There is not a whole lot I can do to justify this one. If we aren't going anywhere important the next day, a pool is WAY more fun than a bathtub. I figure they swam all the stinky off.

4. The phrase heard most around my home is, "Be careful! We like the teeth that are left!"

That's right. While I have all of my teeth, my four year old does not. Her name is Grace, but we jinxed ourselves when we named her that!! When she was 2 she walked into a door and knocked 1 front tooth back up into her gums and that killed her other front tooth. When she was 3 it abscessed and we had to remove them both. She has not gotten any more graceful in the last 2 years and we just feel we need to remind her to be careful. ALOT!

3. My idea of a "Spa Pedicure" is when I stick my feet in the tub while my kids are taking a bath (a real one!)

Again...I can't really justify this one, but Mommies, if you haven't tried it, you should! Give the kiddos some soap and let them wash your feet. You might not feel as relaxed, but it still feels good on your feet and you don't have to tip!!

2. I have used my PaPa's buck knife to prepare dinner. (pronounced PawPaw)

My brother in law and I were making sushi one night (we bought the fish, we didn't catch it...and sushi is NOT redneck at all) and the knife I was using wasn't working so we called my dad who was on his way to bring a sharp knife from my parents house. We were thinking about one of my mom's Chef's knives, he was thinking "sharp" knife. He brought us a sharp knife! He told us he didn't know if it was ever actually used on a deer, but just in case he "cleaned it REAL good." I couldn't help but think about the time I watched my PaPa shoot a deer from his bathroom window. I am pretty sure that knife had been used at some time for it's intended purpose. But it worked better than the actual "sushi" knife by brother in law was using.

1. My 2 year old has pointed to the t.v. and yelled "Mommy's Diet Coke! Mommy's Diet Coke!!" during a "beverage" commercial.

It happened the day after a crawfish boil. At one point during the boil my son saw me get a "beverage" out of the cooler that I immediately put in a koozie, but he had already seen it. In his sweet little voice he asked, "Mommy, what dat?" and my response was, "This is Mommy's Diet Coke. It is for Grown-ups." He ran off to play and that was that...until the next day when he saw Mommy's "Diet Coke" on a commercial during a sporting event! If it is any consolation, after his excitement of seeing Mommy's "Diet Coke" on t.v. he followed it up with, "Dat grown-up" in a very serious tone. I'll be honest, and this probably makes me a TOTAL redneck, but I was impressed that it was the exact brand. He matched it to something he had seen for seconds the days before, and it was a sporting event...that wasn't the first "Diet Coke" commercial that had come on the t.v.

I can't help but justify things a little further by thinking, at least we bathe in a pool and not a creek, and the dinner I was preparing wasn't really for a family meal because I don't feed my kids sushi and who doesn't like a foot rub whenever they can get it. I have convinced myself that it is not, in fact, redneck...it isn't even less than classy! It is just how it is. You can decide for yourself...and I know even the "classy" mommies that read this will be sticking their feet in the tub next time their kids take a bath!

I am the Sloppy (and kinda redneck and a little less than classy but really who are we kidding...normal) Mommy!

Privacy?

Does any mommy really know what that means? My oldest turns 4 tomorrow, so I can say with certainty that I have not had a moment of it since the day she was born. I am not complaining, although it would be nice to either go to the bathroom or take a shower ON MY OWN, or get to do those things with the door closed and not have 4 hands banging on the door the whole time. I am momentarily in here on the computer all by myself, but that is only because my husband has food and food trumps mommy...usually. Shortly before my daughter was born we had our bathroom shower re-tiled. It was so pretty that we decided to enclose it with a clear glass shower door. If I had only known... As it is, if I start making that journey to the back of the house my oldest has to ask me if I am going potty and my youngest has to run behind me yelling, "tee-tee, tee-tee, tee-tee." Then I am joined with an audience that usually likes to prepare themselves and bring their own toys. I think there was a time when I could shower or take a bath and take as long as I wanted. I vaguely remember those days...! Oh well...it is a small price to pay.

I will discuss MODESTY in another blog...that is another thing I have done without for the last four years!

What goes in...

When I am nowhere near the computer (or when it is 1:00 in the morning), I can think of 452 things that I want to write about in my blog. When I have a second to do it, I can't think of anything. I must say, I was recently inspired by a couple of my friends posts on their Facebook pages. One was wishing she had chosen a more creative job (like Kindergarten teacher), and the other one was my sister's post informing everyone that she had been up all night with my niece who was throwing up. My response to my first friends post was to tell her about a day that I lovingly refer to as "Barf-a-palooza". On that day I had 4 kids in my class throw up in my room. I told her she might want to choose something less messy than Kindergarten. I LOVE my job and I LOVE my students, but I will be honest, what comes out of their mouths, does not gross me out nearly as much as some of the things I have seen them put IN their mouths. Here are a few examples (I know you are biting your nails with anticipation!):

I watched a kid sitting on the floor after coming out of the bathroom, lean over and lick the floor. The tile floor. RIGHT BY THE BATHROOMS!

I have to explain to at least one student every day why we shouldn't chew on our shoelaces (and let me tell you, if you have ever had to tie a little boys WET shoelaces after he has come out of the BATHROOM you would understand my feelings about being grossed out LESS by barf!)

A big productive sneeze is often seen as an extra snack time for a kindergartner. "SUZY* GET A TISSUE...WE DON'T LICK OUR HANDS."

And then there are ALWAYS the booger eaters. I keep tissues in 42 places around my room, but they don't need 'em!

Their hands are ALWAYS in their mouths, and I have seen where they sometimes put their hands. Some kids hands never leave those places...

I wish I could say that I was immune to some of these things at home, but alas...today I was very excited when my little boy (21 months) finally BLEW his nose into a tissue.** Before he would blow through his mouth while we wiped the boogies off. I got all of the snoodles off and he reached for the tissue. I thought he was going to use it to try to wipe his nose himself, but no...he put it in his mouth. Thats my boy!

Little kids are kinda gross, but they are TOTALLY worth it!! As long as you can get those habits broken while they are little! So this is my blog for today. Boogers and barf. My life really is super exciting (while sometimes gross!) and I am fabulously blessed...boogers and all!!

Have a blessed day, and as I told you before (and as you read in my blog)

I am the Sloppy Mommy!


*names have been changed to protect the innocent
** Yes, that excited me. It doesn't take much! I also must point out that my first "blog brag" was about my son blowing his nose! Take that, all you other proud mommies!!

Okie dokie, I am going to try out this blogging thing while the kids are being entertained by Mickey Mouse. The first post should probably be to explain my title. I am probably not the SLOPPIEST mommy ever, but when you compare me to my sister (and my mom!) I would definitely take the title! We bathe and wear clean clothes, but if you ever just dropped by my house it would be a little embarrassing. Here are some of the things that make me a sloppy mommy:

The laundry is NEVER done...I know, I know, unless you do the washing completely naked, your laundry would never be done, but that is not what I mean. If it is not worn on the outside of the body, I am NOT gonna waste my time folding it. For some reason my husband still asks me where he can find some clean underwear. The answer is always, "in the laundry basket"! Our clean laundry basket is technically for dirty laundry, but the little ones cannot hold all the underwear, undershirts, socks and occasionally towels and wash cloths.

I don't iron. If it has to be ironed, I am not gonna wear it...unless my husband irons it for me (thank you Kenneth!!)

My car could be mistaken for a recycling center or landfill. On most days it is littered with papers, sippy cups, shoes, and socks. We never travel more than a couple of miles in my car, but evidently that is too long to keep our shoes and socks on.

My garage is filled with the crap I have most recently cleaned out of my car!

Toys. Really. I don't think I need to explain this!

My daughter likes to change her clothes (in the middle of the living room) or drag out all of her dress up clothes at least 10 times a day.

My son likes to collect shoes from all over the house and bring them to us. Usually in the living room.

My kitchen is usually destroyed, and I really don't cook all that much, so I am not even sure how that happens!!

When the kids go to bed I try to do something for myself like watch t.v. (something besides Mickey Mouse), read a book, go to the gym...

Most of these are things that you would typically find in a house with small children, I just think they are probably worse at my house than most!

Mickey Mouse ended so right now as I type, I have a little boy on my right leg and a little girl on my left. That makes for some very interesting typing, but it is a good reminder about priorities. The laundry can wait, the kitchen can wait, the car can continue to resemble a landfill...I have all I could ever ask for sitting with me right now!


I have all I could ever want in my whole life and I will proudly claim and keep my title!!

I am The Sloppy Mommy!!